How To Sext More Effectively

Man on the bed - Sext More Effectively

Sexting may seem intimidating or overwhelming to some, but it’s actually involving skills we already have, used in a new context…flirting and texting!

By Aly Walansky

Sexting is meant to be a form of digital foreplay and can get us in the mood for sex – whether it be IRL later that same day or by keeping LDRs hot and heavy even when you’re far apart.

“Sexting allows us to explore fantasy. It lets us open up to our partners in a safe way that doesn’t mean we need to actually try in real life,” said Gigi Engle, a certified sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.

For example, you might sext about a hot and heavy threesome or bondage scene with no real interest in trying it for real. “It’s just something that turns you on to talk about and explore with your partner. It can really be eye-opening to explore each other fantasies and fuel your fire for an even hotter sex life,” said Engle.

“I break sexters into three different categories,” said Engle. “Romantic, cheeky, and nasty. You usually fall into one more than the others, but there can definitely be overlap. You might be feeling a bit cheeky one day and then go full of dirty nasty the next,” said Engle. Like sex, sexting doesn’t fall inside of strict black and white rules. Every instance and situation is subjective.

In general: The more adjectives you use, the nastier the sex.

Romantic: I want to kiss your soft lips.

Cheeky: I want to kiss your soft delicious lips before unzipping your pants.

Nasty: I want to kiss your soft delicious lips before unbuttoning your tight pants to feel how wet you are between your gorgeous legs.

Reference back to a moment with the person you’re sexting, suggests author and sex expert Antonia Hall. For example:

“I loved when your hands were exploring my body last night.” “My favorite shirt smells like you ;-)”

Taunt or tease- ie “I just went lingerie shopping.”

“Just read about this wild new sex position. Game?”

“Hopping into a soapy bubble bath… thinking of you.”

Hall also suggests introducing the ‘would you let me’ game into your sexting.

“Would you ever let me blindfold you?”

“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be tied up…”

Once the conversation is opened, giving sexy details back and forth becomes easy. Details and descriptors matter, so offer details that will help conjure visuals is great. If you’re comfortable with it, sharing pics that progress as the conversation goes is also hot.

For example, We-Vibe recently updated their We-Connect app so that it now has full-screen video chat feature. Once you start with basic sexting, this could be a great way to take it to the next level because it’ll allow you to control your and/or your partner’s vibrator from your smartphone – making your sexting session graduate to full-fledged cyber sex.


Things to consider and remember if you’re a nervous beginner: Sexting should be fun. It’s OK to laugh or feel silly. It’s supposed to be fun so, don’t take yourself so seriously.

Don’t skip to the end too quickly. Sexting allows for a build up, and anticipation is part of the fun, so let things progress at a natural speed. “Don’t introduce topics into sexting if you don’t know how the person might feel about it. Sharing new kinks during a sexting session could turn things awkward quickly,” said Hall.

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