It can be the best sex you’ve ever had!
When you’re single, how much sex do you have? And I’m not referring to one-night stands or rebounds, (both great) but I’m talking about sex with yourself.
Many people who aren’t in a relationship miss the intimate moments, the passionate embraces, the sensual touches and of course the sexual pleasure. If this is the case for you, don’t go on mourning these moments! Just because you’re not ‘with’ someone it doesn’t mean you have to put your pleasure on hold, you can embrace your sexuality when you’re single. Sexuality and relationships are not mutually exclusive, learning about your body is a vital process in developing a healthy sexual identity and it’s possibly the best time to explore pleasure when you’re single, so here’s what you can do to practice sexual pleasure.
Embrace your body and explore what you like
You have so much pleasure potential in your body, it’s time to embrace all of it. Solo touch exploration will allow you to discover what feels best and how to consciously access pleasure in your own body for deeper sensations. Explore how you like to be touched, where, how, when. Embrace every inch of your body, fat, bones, muscle, hair and observe the sensations you feel as you touch. The more you know about what feels good, the more likely you are to embrace your whole body. So start exploring while you have time and space to be with yourself.
Have sex with yourself
An orgasm-induced endorphin release can put you in a great mood and support connection with others. Orgasm releases the feel-good neurochemicals dopamine and oxytocin, aka the ‘bliss’, ‘cuddle’ and ‘love’ hormones that improve your mood, create a natural high, boost your satisfaction and activate the reward circuits in your brain. Masturbation is a powerful oxytocin-releasing activity and lowers your defences and makes your trust people more, strengthens emotional bonds with self and others. People often experience their most mind blowing orgasms on their own and may feel the effects for up to an hour afterwards. So this could support you in feeling more connected to people, whether they are a sexual partner or not.
Sensual self care
As a society, we don’t prioritize pleasure, rather we value the high intensity act of being busy. Pleasure is a practice that can support you in exploring your sexuality, so do some form of sensual self care everyday. This could be wearing clothes that feel good on your skin, it could be drawing a bath, taking yourself on a date, moving to music, sensually eating chocolate, listening to an erotic audio story, buying flowers for yourself or massaging oil into your body. If it makes you feel sensual and gets you out of your head and into the moment, indulge!
Redefine how you understand sex
We have a very linear understanding of sex which is often limited to sex-with-others. But just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean you can’t have sex – it does mean that you’ll be a part of a movement that’s redefining “sex”. Spend intentional time thinking, journalling or feeling for your ideas about fulfilling sex, what you desire and what you want from sexual relationships with your body or others.
Exploring your sexuality is one way to feel human and connected to your body. You are responsible for your pleasure. Your are responsible to do things that make you feel good, sensual and fulfilled. You don’t need to wait any longer or for the right person to come along or for the right time. Take this as a gentle reminder that it’s healthy to touch yourself, bust out a toy, invest in your pleasure and do anything that makes you feel good as a duty of personal care.