This is the first of a series of posts to launch where we at We-Vibe will profile industry experts to talk about their experiences in their field and their perceptions of contemporary sexuality issues.
First up, we sat down with sexuality and intimacy industry expert and author Lou Paget to talk about the life of someone in her position and the best sex advice she ever got.
Right off the bat, how did you come to the profession you are currently in? What motivated you to take on this kind of study and profession?
First let’s start with what was my motivation…quite honestly I have ALWAYS been curious about sexuality and its impact on people’s lives, good, bad and in between. My focus on techniques came about as I was leaving a relationship and realized I needed more information, more sexual language if you would for the next relationship I went into. I started asking friends what their best ideas and techniques were. I wanted REAL people info not fako-fako porn ideas. That was how the foundation for the info I wanted started.
My career path took on a life of its own when I listened to what people wanted, I literally got dragged into doing the seminars and writing my books by friends female and male, straight and gay who said I talked about sex in a way that had no sleaze and had them understand it better. I have a hard sciences background so I know the human body and that combined with what people shared with me was the foundation basis for my seminars. I don’t talk about what I do I talk about what others do so people can identify with the behavior and idea not a specific person as the source.
What’s the best sex advice you ever got and where did you get it?
Wow that has about 5 answers. Relative to my seminars some of the best sex technique advice I ever got would have to be from the man who at the time was my best friend, Bryan Thalheimer.
It was 10 AM at the Mount Royal home he shared with his partner Don Vooys in Calgary. We were having a morning latte and he showed me his newest bijoux…a gleaming 1 carat stone, (each diamond stone 1 carat) tennis bracelet. And I asked what was the occasion for such fabulousness?
He remarked, “Oh it’s from Donny ’cause I give such great head. “
My response was rather deer in headlights. Then it dawned on me how powerful this was for a man’s feeling about himself. The awareness of how connected the physical act was with the emotional impact. Being a ‘go-to-the-source’ kind of person I said to him,
“Okay you’re gay, you give them, you receive them and you always brag you’re so damn good, show me what you’re talking about.”
He told me to take my spoon out of my latte, it was a tall latte, he did the same with his spoon and he then proceeded to show me on the spoon the best hand, tongue and throat techniques. Still the best latte I have ever had.
One of his best sex advice techniques was, “My dear you must always be using both hands,” (my thought was I wasn’t even using a hand) “it saves on your mouth, your lips, your throat and builds a man up so you can finish with your mouth if you want.”
If you have never used toys before with your partner, how would you recommend broaching the topic of introducing sex toys, and then start actually introducing them into your sexual encounters with your partner?
Do it while vertical, or in a social horizontal place, (eg. not while in bed). Mention you’d like to try something with THEM. Saw it, read about it, heard it whatever is the source. NEVER mention you used it with another partner. Suggest that they start with stimulation on the outside. For some partners an insertive toy, right off the bat, can be intimidating.
The numbers vary, but the number released by several studies in 2010 say between 50 and 70% of women have never had an orgasm from any kind of penetrative intercourse. In your experience, what are the barriers these women face and what advice would you give a frustrated woman, and her partner, in this situation.
In the hetero world, the frustration isn’t that it hasn’t happened with intercourse the frustration is the CONSTANT message that women get that they are supposed to have an orgasm with intercourse a la men. The disconnect here is that men assume women’s genitals experience the same off the charts sensation their penises receive upon penetration into the vagina. Couldn’t be further from the truth. The majority of women orgasm just fine by manual, oral or vibe stim. The We-Vibe is the happy marriage of intercourse for both, and vibe with firmer constant in place stim for the woman that is the ticket for most women. Besides I have yet to meet a man who can oscillate at 5000rpm. Options abound for partners who want to expand their sexual experience buffet for external, solo, and partnered sex.
For more tips from Lou, and to find out where you can catch her live next, visit her site at www.loupaget.com
Check back next week for more tips from the experts!