Start the Conversation

Our culture romanticizes the idea of “two becoming one,” insisting that partners should enjoy doing everything together. Suggesting otherwise can feel scary, as it forces us to acknowledge that one person cannot possibly fulfil all of our needs. Try these tips to neutralize your fear and start enjoying the benefits of independence:

• Talk about what you want (“I’d like to see my friends tonight”) rather than what you don’t (“I don’t want to stay home with you tonight”). Let your partner know that you love spending time with them—that fact hasn’t changed.
• Build time apart into activities that you already do on your own (like a solo smoothie date after a workout).
• When you’re together, make it count. Lock your phone away if it’s a distraction. Show your partner that you’re present and happy to be together.
• Share this email with your partner and discuss how time apart will help boost your emotional and sexual energy.