Porn vs. Reality

The purpose of this is not to launch an attack on porn as we believe it can have legitimate uses in therapy, to explore yourself and to explore sexually with a partner. However, not everyone communicates about sex openly and the porn industry can have many misleading ideas. We think it’s worth pointing out a few things to avoid discomfort, disappointment, injury and to remind ourselves that it exists because it’s fantasy.

For the sake of this comparison, we will be referring to what is considered mainstream porn as it’s the most widely consumed. Of course, there are many other types and niches, we could always get to those another time. There are some clear biases with mainstream, especially as it is, for the most part, based on straight male fantasies.

Let’s start with a biggie – men’s penis size. It’s true, the porn industry attracts those who are well-endowed and men will be selected for their penis size. There doesn’t appear to be enough hard data on the average sizes of pornstars’ penises versus Tom, Dick & Harry, however, numbers float between 6.5 to a whopping 9 inches. A quick Google search tells us that the average size of an erect penis is a little over 5 inches.

Whatever the numbers, the world is certainly convinced bigger is better. So much so that men’s insecurity is capitalized upon with the peddling of products like penis pumps, pills and extenders. Not to mention that porn cinematography can account for a lot: “the camera adds 10 pounds”. Camera angles with lighting and make-up alongside a very petite porn actress can achieve a surprising amount.

At this juncture, it’s worth mentioning that not all women like penises that large, particularly those with a larger circumference to boot. It can often lead to uncomfortable, or even painful, vaginal penetration with cases of post-penetration chafing, stinging and pain whilst urinating.

On that note, if you are faced with a well-endowed partner and are worried about any discomfort and how to handle it, please remember foreplay is not to be missed. We strongly recommend communicating this with your partner. A further step would be to incorporate toys to help relax those vaginal muscles. Spend time doing this with your partner, don’t rush the process, and you’ll feel more intimate, comfortable and relaxed. Lubrication will definitely help, too.

While we’re on the subject of large penises and penetration, let’s talk about women’s orgasms in porn for our second point. Again, the numbers vary, but one thing for sure is that they’re pretty high: 70-80% of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. So it would appear the 20-30% of women who can, are likely in the porn industry. We said appear.

This might not be news to some of you but achieving orgasm this way, from penetration alone, is pretty difficult. The ones that do? Well, it could be down to the woman’s unique anatomy; for example, their clitoris is close to the vagina opening and movement around this cluster of nerves naturally adds to the intensity of penetration. This was top of mind for our Sync designers when they created a vibrator that can be adjusted to fit just right (no matter your position).

The way penetration is approached in mainstream pornography can be misleading. The industry would have you think that (often, very) hard thrusting without clitoral stimulation, foreplay or lubrication is practically a surefire way to achieve a howling orgasm. The danger is that women can be left wondering why they aren’t enjoying it enough to orgasm and men can be led to believe this is the route to all female pleasure.

Of course, there’s a perfectly enjoyable element to this style of sex and women do enjoy penetration without orgasm and sometimes women prefer their male partner to be dominant and have the control. We simply feel there is so much more to be enjoyed for both parties when it comes to vaginal penetration when pace, depth, other erogenous zones and varying positions are considered.

Pornography is great, and you know we think sex and sexual exploration is great. Just don’t go in with wild expectations as we’re sure you’ll enjoy both. Remember, there is no real relationship portrayed in porn and a real relationship begets great communication and thus great sex.

Stay tuned for more on porn vs reality and we’d love to hear your thoughts on this.