Make long distance attraction hotter with remote sex

Tech-enabled long-distance sex is one of the more delightful ways to use our ubiquitous devices, though it can also be a bit fraught.

By Aly Walansky

“The things to be concerned about are one or both people being so struck by shyness that they basically mumble “Miss you, babe” instead of getting down; the potential for nonconsensual capture and use of images that were meant to be private; and hackability, especially as sex toys join the list of Internet of Things gizmos and learn (and retain) more information about you,” says Carol Queen, PhD

Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist.

But there are also those “uh-oh” scenarios. “I feel like we’ve heard nothing BUT issues about this… the Fappening, revenge porn laws going on the books, etc. The thing about consent is that often people do this sort of play with people they trust… and it is a terrible breach when a person uses an image in a way not intended. It might be a good idea to speak out loud about your expectations before sexting and sending pix,” says Queen.


While long-distance erotic play is not new and the possibility of it was not created just yesterday––old-school phone sex and mailing Polaroids were a thing long before the Interwebs––there’s no argument that tech allows us to connect erotically in new ways and much more easily than ever. “Sexting can be foreplay for a sizzling evening (or a way to lure your person out for a lunchtime quickie). Skyping and other video chat platforms allow so much more than phone sex ever did: the phone company used to say it was “the next best thing to being there,” but this outdoes it by a mile, especially for exhibitionists and voyeurs who really like the visuals,” says Queen.

For best effect, remember your lighting! “I really think the availability of this technology has to some degree supported a more libertarian viewpoint about porn in society, since so many people have now gotten in front of a camera themselves,” says Queen.

Wifi-enabled toys are just going to get more sophisticated. “So far, they’re either a variant on the novelty of a remote-control vibe, giving one partner the control over the other’s experience (if you negotiate it that way, anyhow), or a real-time erotic adjunct so lovers can rely on more than just visuals, talk, and mutual masturbation when they get it on across the space-time continuum. But the original promise of teledildonics was even greater than this, with haptic suits that allow you to feel your lover’s touch from afar and other tech-enabled immersive experiences,” says Queen. This is such a compelling idea, it’s bound to move forward, with computer-connected sex toys just the beginning, Queen forecasts.

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