How to Help your Clueless Partner get a Clue in Bed

By Amanda Chatel

No one comes into this world a master in the sack. Although if we all did, wouldn’t that be fantastic? Since such a thing just simply does not exist, you may find yourself, at some point in your life, in bed with someone who is, well, clueless. Whether they have zero clue where your clitoris is or don’t know the importance of foreplay, to any number of things, a clueless partner needs to get a clue and guess who’s job that is: YOURS.

So instead of griping to your friends and suffering in silence, you need to step up to the plate and help your partner out. Here’s how to steer them in the right direction, because being clueless in bed isn’t a very good quality in a person.

  1. Don’t be shy. First of all, you can’t be shy; you can’t beat around the bush with words like “if,” “maybe,” or “perhaps.” These are not the words of an assertive person who wants to get the most out of their sex life; these are the words of someone who’s walking on eggshells. So quit the polite approach and put it all out there: “My clitoris is two inches to the left.” See? There’s no “maybe” in there because your clitoris isn’t “maybe” two inches to the left; it IS two inches to the left.
  2. Keep it positive. If you find yourself going off on a rant about all the things your partner is completely clueless about, you need to wrap it up on a positive note. For example, what is the one thing (at least let’s hope there’s at least one thing), that they’re not totally clueless about and are actually quite good at? Whatever that is, tell them at the end of your spiel. It’s important to bring positivity into a conversation that might seem a little harsh.
  3. Make it less about you and more about them. Whether it’s a long-term partner or a fling, it’s important to make this clueless soul understand that you just want to help them be (even) better in bed. Not just for you, but for them and for every other person they may end up having sex with in the future. If you make it seem like your help is coming from a selfless place, then they’re more likely to be responsive.
  4. Don’t make comparisons. The worst thing you can do when you’re trying to help someone who is clueless in bed is to compare them to past lovers – I mean, talk about a boner killer. Although everyone has different techniques, everyone likes different things, and everyone responds to feedback differently, it’s safe to assume that everyone cringes at comparisons. You want to help them; not point out how you’ve had so much better. (Even if it’s true.)
  5. Never forget: Practice makes perfect. Once you’ve talked to your partner, showed them what’s what, and reinforced your critiques with positive feedback, it’s time to put all of this into practice – lots and lots of practice. And, eventually, once you’ve done it all dozens and dozens of times you’ll realize you haven’t just given your partner all the clues they needed but, in a roundabout way, you made the world a little brighter for all of us… especially those of us who may be fortunate enough to meet this person somewhere down the road. So thank you for that.

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