Things Men Feel Insecure About in Bed, and Why They Shouldn’t

And oftentimes, pressure brings insecurity with it. But in a healthy relationship, these insecurities can be addressed and coped with until they’re avoided altogether, and you and your partner are having amazing, mindful sex.

Having the appropriate longevity

One of man’s greatest fears in the bedroom (aside from being unable to produce an erection) is having an orgasm way too quickly to have pleased our partner. And the more we worry about this, the more likely it is to happen. But through exercises and getting to know how both of your perform and what really gets you going, you can learn to pace the sexual process and avoid the man getting too excited too quickly. And, of course, the guy can always spend more time pleasuring you orally or otherwise before you have sex, or after.

Meeting perceived expectations

Without enough experience with a person, and without having gotten into the groove of communicating well, it can be difficult to intuit what a woman is optimistically anticipating out of a session between the sheets. We tend to worry about whether we’re going to get you off (at least once), and if we’re giving an all around performance that satisfies and (hopefully) impresses you. A little bit of encouragement during and after sex will help him gain more confidence and worry less.

Asking for what we want—and what you want

Sometimes, especially at the beginning of a sexual relationship, guys are self-conscious and insecure about asking for what we want, and asking you what you want, but it’s important for both of you to keep in mind the thought that the more you communicate and the more up-front you are with each other about your sexual preferences and desires, the better the sex is going to be for both of you. And we should never feel strange about having a discussion around these things. So the sooner the two of you get to talking, the better, happier and more satisfied you’ll both be.

How we look

Penises look kind of funny. We have hair in strange places. And pretty much all places. Body image insecurity is, of course, something that transcends gender, but we do feel it. We can help ourselves out by reminding ourselves that a woman has decided she wants to be naked with us, so she probably doesn’t find us unattractive, and any compliments during the act will go a long way for improving confidence.

That we’re not the best you’ve ever had

We always want to do our best and be the best, so occasionally there are thoughts in the back of our head about partners you’ve had in the past—and then we wonder if they’ve been a better and more fulfilling lover than us. But we shouldn’t think this way. Instead, we should be fully present in the moment and doing the best we can. And if we’re not the best you’ve had that time? Well, there’s always room for improvement.