It’s sometimes said that when it comes to sexual arousal, men are like lightbulbs and women are like irons. A lightbulb gets ‘turned on’ with the flick of a switch, almost instantly, and when you turn it off, it instantly goes dark. But when you turn on an iron, it heats up very gradually, and once turned off, it only slowly cools…
Most men understand the basic distinctions illustrated by the lightbulb/iron metaphor, but that doesn’t mean they know what to do about it.
Here are some helpful tips for how to slow things down, so the iron heats up and your lady gets hotter than ever.
Keep your shirt on.
Actually, keep all your clothes on for a while. Enjoy the view: the slight glimpse of cleavage, the curve of her thigh in those jeans. Start touching her through her clothes. Disrobing should be done slowly, enjoying each part as it is revealed, and much of your foreplay, including genital touching, can be done with her still in her bra and panties. Many women feel sexier with some clothing on than they do stark naked, and many of us love the way you look in your clothes as well as out of them. And don’t forget the way clothes feel to her; the rub of silk over sensitized skin or the contrast of her naked thighs with the denim of your jeans can drive her crazy.
Be a tease.
Light touches instead of hard or rough ones at first can have her writhing and begging for more. Most women like hard or firm touches eventually, after they are quite aroused, but not at first. Enjoy running a light finger or pressing a tender kiss near erogenous zones; the side of her breast, the curve of her waist, her inner thigh.
Refuse to give her what she asks for…for as long as you can hold out!
Hands off the goodies… for now.
Many men have a lovemaking pattern that goes something like this: kissing, breasts, genitals, penetration, orgasm, done. But what if you had to make love to your partner without touching those prime areas? Could you arouse her by creatively working other areas of her body? Don’t get me wrong, women love to have their breasts fondled and genitals stroked. But we also like to have our necks nipped, to feel the scratch of your beard against our stomachs, to have the backs of our knees and the insides of our arms licked and tasted, to have our fingertips kissed and our shoulders sucked on.
Pay lots of attention to all those other areas.
Set the scene.
Women focus on many things at once, so her surroundings are an important part of slowing things down. Straighten the bedroom, light some candles, tell her earlier in the day you are looking forward to some time alone with her. This has a double effect. First of all, women feel loved and cared for when you go to so much trouble. That’s always conducive to good sex. But for the guy, it gets him in the right frame of mind to move slowly in the ways described above. You don’t clean the house and light candles for a quickie. You’re getting ready for something special.
As women have an almost infinite capacity for sexual pleasure, speeding through the process means she may miss out on intense and repeated orgasm. So if you really want to heat it up, remember the iron, and take your time.