Q: Lately my husband has been asking for more sexual behavior from me. But even if I try certain things, like taking nude pictures, it never seems to be enough. I feel frustrated and pressured. What do I do?
A: Trying out new things can be a fantastic experience, but the pleasure nosedives when one person is trying to live up to certain expectations. I wonder if when you say, “It never seems like enough,” that’s because you’re the one pressuring yourself. It might be that he simply loves seeing you in high heels and sexy clothes, but doesn’t expect you to look like a centerfold. Perhaps he loves watching you pleasure yourself, but he doesn’t expect you to look like a porn star while doing it. And so on. You might feel differently if you started making some suggestions. Even if you suggested snuggling up and making love in the missionary position!
Talk to him out of the bedroom and when both of you are feeling relaxed. Let him know that sometimes you feel daunted and want the reassurance that he loves you just the way you are — and that this is just about sex-play. Also, bring up the notion of compromising, where you alternate between trying something new that he suggests and doing something you like.
Q: I’m heavier than my husband, and I find it quite difficult to be on top of him during intercourse. This, however, is the position he prefers. Is there anything I can do to make being on top easier and more enjoyable for me?
A: For starters, it’s great that your husband likes to have you on top. Why? Well, more women find that reaching climax is easier on top than in any other position. Now it’s time to get comfortable! When it comes time for you to get on top, tell him you want to take your time, and then slip some comfy cushions underneath your knees, elbows, or wherever else you find that it gets uncomfortable. If you’re self-conscious because his eyes are on you up there, get over it! Clearly he likes what he’s seeing (and feeling), and you’re not going to crush him.