At a certain point in many people’s’ lives, somewhere in the physical and mental maturation process, sexual desire reveals itself as a near constant if not omnipresent thing.
Then, once that desire is initially fulfilled with a partner and we start to realize just how amazing sex really is, we begin to build on our sexual experiences. We try new things with different people, and through the years our desires and sexual fulfillment wax and wane.
Here are a few stages (and milestones) you may go through as your sex life evolves in parallel to the rest of your life—not in any particular order.
Discovering masturbation. This is where it starts for most of us. At a certain age, you begin to feel things in certain areas, and you discover sexual attraction—and then you begin to discover (and hopefully embrace) self-pleasure. While solo often pales in comparison with sex with a partner, masturbation still feels great, is healthy and is a great way to start to learn the types of things that turn you on and what you might like to try in the bedroom when you do have a partner.
Your first time. Losing your virginity is an important deal, even if you don’t think too much of it at the time. It’s your first time having sex—and once that happens, once you discover what sex feels like, even if it’s not great and likely short-lived, you’ll know what all the talk, fuss and attention surrounding sex is all about.
The first steady sexual partner. It’s very special to have a sustained series of sexual experiences with a person, especially if it’s something you weren’t previously familiar with. It’s an opportunity to build sexual chemistry and become attuned to the important basics of sex in general and what a partner likes specifically.
The first really good sex. It may happen with a steady partner, or someone you meet who is adept at sex as you, and with whom you share a great deal of natural chemistry. Either way, this is often the stage where you realize that something you’ve been doing that feels absolutely amazing can actually somehow be even better than you had ever anticipated.
Excruciating dry spells. Extended periods of time without a sexual partner can be and often are difficult. But they give you an opportunity to work on yourself, and they also help you appreciate sex in a way you might have lost sight of when you’ve been in a monogamous relationship.
Experiencing casual hook-ups. Many of us find at some point that sex doesn’t always have to include a deep emotional connection. The casual hook-ups you experience throughout your life help you figure out the kind of person you ultimately want to be with, and how to separate your head from your heart, which can be crucial at times.
Recently married. This is arguably one of the greatest sexual phases two people can go through. There’s the honeymoon, and then the time after when you and your partner can’t keep your hands off each other. This is a great time to try some new things, as you’ve likely been having sex rather regularly leading up to your marriage, and a celebration of said marriage is as good a time as any to take your sex life to the next level.
The child-rearing years. Whenever you have children in your lives, the very act you took part in to create them might become something you do less than in the time before you started a family. But all this means is when you and your partner do find some time to yourselves, it’s exciting and something you should take full advantage of.
Empty-nesting. Once the kids leave home, you and your partner might find that there’s a sexual upswing. You have more time and freedom to enjoy sex, to get nostalgic and return to the frequency and form you were enjoying during the “Honeymoon Period” of yesteryear.